Relationship Advice Archives - Louisville Health and Healing

Navigating Relationship Crossroads: Do I Need Couples Counseling?

March 11, 2024/in Relationship Advice/by Louisville Health and Healing

Relationships are intricate dances of emotions, communication, and shared experiences. Yet, even the strongest partnerships can face challenges that seem insurmountable. The question arises: when is it time to seek couples counseling? In this blog, we’ll explore some common signs that may indicate the need for couples counseling and how it can be a valuable resource for strengthening your relationship.

Communication Breakdown: Effective communication is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship. If you find that communication with your partner has become strained, characterized by frequent misunderstandings, arguments, or a sense of being unheard, couples counseling can provide a structured space for improving communication skills and fostering understanding.
Recurring Patterns of Conflict: Every relationship experiences disagreements, but when conflicts follow predictable patterns and remain unresolved, it can create a cycle of frustration and resentment. Couples counseling can help identify the root causes of recurring conflicts and provide tools to break destructive patterns.
Intimacy and Connection Challenges: A lack of intimacy, emotional distance, or a diminishing sense of connection can be signs that your relationship needs attention. Couples counseling can address these issues by exploring underlying emotional dynamics and fostering a deeper understanding of each other’s needs and desires.
Trust Issues: Trust is the foundation of a strong relationship, and when it’s compromised, the relationship can suffer. Whether due to past betrayals or ongoing suspicions, couples counseling offers a safe space to rebuild trust through open communication, transparency, and commitment to mutual growth.
Life Transitions and Adjustments: Major life changes, such as moving, starting a family, or changes in career, can place strain on a relationship. Couples counseling can be beneficial during transitional periods, providing support in navigating the challenges and adapting to the new dynamics.
Individual Growth and Development: As individuals evolve over time, it’s natural for relationships to face adjustments. Couples counseling can assist in navigating these changes by helping partners understand each other’s personal growth and ensuring that both individuals feel supported and valued in their respective journeys.
Consideration of Separation or Divorce: If thoughts of separation or divorce have crossed your mind or your partner’s, seeking couples counseling can be a pivotal step before making such significant decisions. Counseling provides an opportunity to explore underlying issues, assess the relationship’s viability, and make informed choices about the future.

Couples counseling is not a sign of failure but rather a proactive and courageous step toward enhancing your relationship. Recognizing the signs mentioned above and seeking professional guidance can foster understanding, promote effective communication, and provide tools to navigate challenges together. Whether you’re looking to strengthen a healthy relationship or address specific issues, couples counseling offers a supportive space for growth, healing, and renewed connection. Remember, investing in your relationship is an investment in your shared future happiness.

Let’s Talk Codependency

October 19, 2022/0 Comments/in Addiction Treatment, Anxiety, depression, Louisville Health and Healing News, Mental Health, Recovery, Relationship Advice/by Louisville Health and Healing

Codependency is a term that refers to a type of imbalanced relationship, specifically when one or more people in a relationship over-rely on each other’s thoughts and feelings to define their own thoughts and feelings.

To understand why codependency occurs, we have to first start by looking at self-regulation. Self-regulation skills are various strategies we have learned to understand and manage our behaviors and reactions to feelings and things happening around us – essentially, how you emotionally regulate your own nervous system.

When we struggle to self-regulate, understandably, our body and mind seeks out something to help manage our emotions. Some people can become overly reliant on others in their efforts to manage their emotions, leading to codependency in their relationships.

So, how can we help each other in a healthy way, in times of distress?

Co-regulation is when a person is able to emotionally self-regulate enough to be able to help another person emotionally regulate – how your nervous system can affect another person’s nervous system. This is often characterized by warm and responsive interactions that provide support to another person.

Co-regulation is highly effective and can look many different ways, but it requires that each person involved knows how to self-regulate. Otherwise, the partnership is imbalanced. The good news is that self-regulation skills can continually be learned and bettered!

If you notice that you often over-rely on others and you would like to improve your self-regulation skills, speak to your therapist! That is a space where your therapist can help you learn new skills and explore what works best for you or what might be inhibiting your ability to use certain self-regulation skills. We are here to support you!

Is Conflict Always Bad?

August 22, 2022/0 Comments/in Mental Health, Relationship Advice/by Louisville Health and Healing

Conflict is often something that we seek to avoid or that we experience as negative in our life.
Some of us develop different styles of managing conflict – not all of which are healthy for us or
the people around us. These styles can develop for many different reasons, often as a way to
protect ourselves – whether that’s by being aggressive and “on the offense”, being defensive or
indirect, or by suppressing our own needs almost entirely.

Ultimately, though, we want the conflict to accomplish something, usually. You might want to feel
heard. You might want to feel a sense of control. You might want help with something. What’s
important to remember is that depending on the way each of us acts during conflict, we change
the outcome for everyone involved.

In other words – the way we show up in times of conflict can either be healing for ourselves and
others or re-traumatizing for both parties. Regardless of momentary frustrations or hurt, in the
big picture of our life, we don’t want to re-traumatize ourselves or those we have relationships
with. It’s not helpful or beneficial to anyone really – nor does it feel good.

So what does that mean? That means, we have to do what we each can do to contribute to
healthier conflict in our lives, even if the other person is not yet doing that also. By controlling
what we can (our own actions), we set a good example, we build our own skills in
communication and awareness, and we respect our own relational values and goals.
Conflict doesn’t always have to be bad!

We can choose to show up with love, with compassion, and with respect. We can establish our
boundaries firmly and clearly, but also approach conflict with the goal of trying to heal together,
as part of a relationship with another person. Whether that relationship is romantic, familial, is
with a coworker, or a friend, when we show up in a thoughtful and healthy way, we can be a
source of healing for one another! And that’s amazing.

Take some time today to think about your needs, your triggers, your boundaries, and where you
struggle in moments of conflict.

What can you do to create a healthier “conflict zone” in your relationships? How can you better
respect your boundaries while respecting the importance of healthy communication?

If you need help or support with this, we are here for you. Your therapist is a great resource –
never hesitate to let them know what your goals are.

Traveling Life’s Journey

August 2, 2022/0 Comments/in Addiction Treatment, Anxiety, depression, Louisville Health and Healing News, Mental Health, Relationship Advice, Spirituality/by Louisville Health and Healing

We are excited to host a weekend long retreat that targets trauma. Our retreat, Traveling Life’s Journey – Overcoming Traumatic Experiences – From Surviving to Thriving, is a 48 hour educational and experiential retreat led by licensed and certified clinicians and healers. Many of us have experienced traumatic events to varying degrees and traditional approaches can hinder progress. We have curated a culmination of rapid and effective processes to target trauma to get relief.

After experiencing one or more traumatic events, it is normal to feel a wide range of emotions and have trouble processing those feelings. Traumatized individuals can isolate and withdraw, experience emotional outbursts disproportionate to the situation, and have flashbacks of their traumatic experience(s). In addition to the psychological impact, physical symptoms are also common. These include sleep problems like insomnia and nightmares, digestive issues, chronic headaches, and a state of hyperarousal, or being unable to relax, as well as many others. Regardless of the cause, trauma can be treated most effectively through a holistic approach to recovery.

The retreat will consist of two overnight stays at Valaterra Retreat Center in Prospect, Kentucky. All food and lodging are covered through payment for retreat. Participants will experience education about trauma and learn skills to regulate emotions and promote internal safety while creating a Target Sequence Plan. Each participant will can experience 3-5 hours of Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) with a trained clinician. Art Therapy, Meditation, breathwork, trauma-informed yoga, and nature walks will also be incorporated throughout the retreat. Participants will have time to socialize with others and time to reflect and journal about their experience.

Before the retreat, participants will have a 45-minute phone call or in-person consultation with a licensed clinician. During this call, we will discuss limitations, risk factors and potential goals to be achieved. Additionally, after the retreat, participants will have a 1-hour group follow up to discuss life after the retreat. If participants are in therapy, have concerned family members, or have supportive employers, then those people can be notified as support with appropriate consents.
We are excited to host this retreat to the greater community. If you are interested please reach out to Jenifer Jimison, [email protected].

This Time of the Year Sucks…

December 9, 2018/0 Comments/in Mental Health, Relationship Advice/by Louisville Health and Healing

This time of the year can be very exciting for many people. There are a lot of holiday festivities happening that involve connection, creativity and a sense of belonging. Children make their Christmas lists and parents panic frantically trying to find the gifts that their children want. Sightseeing the Christmas displays in all towns and cities, breaking bread with family and friends, and shopping until you drop—-That’s the spirit…

Well…This time of the year sucks for a lot of people. The holidays are a reminder of separation, trauma, and unhappiness. If this time of the year is about the connection with loved ones, then what do you tell a mother who has lost their child to a heroin overdose? The person who misses their wife because she died doesn’t give a shit about holiday cheer. The homeless person would do anything to drink hot chocolate in front of the fireplace with their loved ones. The child that is in foster care that has one wish for Santa, probably wishes he could see his father.

We hurt. You hurt. I hurt. Compulsive shopping and obsessive planning can distract us from what we are really feeling this time of the year. For some, there is a great deal of anxiety “to get it right”… The right gift, the right packing, the right color…There is a lot of pressure the holidays can put on people. Or, people let the holidays add unneeded pressure—the need to please others.

This time of the year also brings about an increase in alcohol use, for many reasons. Social consumption of alcohol use is often overlooked and people overdo it.

Think about others—-the ones that hurt; the ones that grieve; the ones that are lost; the cold; the hungry; the ones that are imprisoned and locked away. Watch the pressure you put on yourself—that shit doesn’t matter. Nobody is going to remember you got them a yellow sweater and they requested a purple one. People will remember if you made time for them and how you made them feel. Invest in that shit.

This is the time to invest in your relationships and to be selfless to others. This is all we get. After all, what if this was your last holiday season with your family. How do you want to be remembered if your family spent the next year without you?

Helping Others and Happiness

September 17, 2018/0 Comments/in Mental Health, Relationship Advice/by Louisville Health and Healing

Helping others and happiness. Need I say more?

Humanity has needed help from others since the beginning of time. Our physical journey in life is to define and secure happiness. The ‘physical’ things like cars, jewelry, sex, money can not bring about secured happiness; its not enough and never is. Once these material things are secured our journey continues to pursue these things endlessly. They are all good things. I love money and work and….but these things never truly satisfy my soul. There is a constant yearning for more. For me, the ‘paper chase’ leaves me lonely, isolated, tired, and UNHAPPY.

The world is too diverse for me to live in the same box I’m going to die in. I know helping others creates happiness; shit I’m a therapist. “If you love what you do, then it’ll never feel like you’ve worked a day in your life”. This is true for me. However, not everyone can say that. I’m currently traveling in a country where I know very little of its language. This is terrifying for me because….I have to ask for help ALL THE TIME. What I found out is that when I ask for help I usually get it and I find my destination. When I don’t ask for help and I try to figure it out on my own, then I end up lost and feeling angry. See the parallels with life?

The locals have been fantastic. I have been meeting some really great people. I also see their faces light up when I ask for help. The smile is always an indicator of happiness. People generally like being asked for help. When I don’t have a fucking clue of what I’m doing and I ask for help, then it gives someone an opportunity to help me and the same is true for me.

The tribes and cultures our ancestors came from thrived in a community where people helped each other. It brought great contentment, unity, and happiness. Tremendous gratitude happens when I feel like I’ve contributed to the larger picture, humanity.

For you smarty pants—our brains secret neurotransmitters like dopamine (associated with pleasure) and oxytocin (associated with trust and attachment) when we help others. That’s why it feels good. So, something happens on a neurological level that actually creates happiness. You have ever been in a shitty mood and tried to help someone? More than likely you felt better afterward.

Helping others can seem daunting and it doesn’t have to be. I’m not asking you to volunteer at a homeless shelter or start a non-profit (even though you could). What about the small things like holding the door for someone, giving someone directions, paying for someone’s coffee, or listening to a friend who is struggling with something. The opportunities are endless.

Not only does it feel good to help others but it is our responsibility to help all those around us. My challenge for you is to help someone that you normally wouldn’t connect to. Chances are that you know who and what to do. Now do it!! Remember, we can all use more smiling people in the world.

Adieu

(Means ‘until God’ in French)

Relationships

August 17, 2018/0 Comments/in Relationship Advice/by Louisville Health and Healing

Think of all the relationships you have. Envision yourself interacting with everyone you come in contact with on a daily basis–your partner, your children, the mailman/mailwoman, the barista at Starbucks, your coworkers, and colleagues. More than likely, you are in contact with a lot of relationships every day. We are social animals and need relationships.

Imagine waking up tomorrow and all these relationships aren’t there. Imagine how lonely that will be. You can see that relationships are critical at preventing us from being lonely and isolative. The Harvard Study, a qualitative study conducted with over 80 years of data concluded that our ultimate happiness is related to the quality of our relationships.

What is the quality of your relationships? Are you satisfied? What are you doing to deepen those relationships? If I want to receive love, then I have to give love. Relationships are reciprocal. If I want something, I have to give it. This isn’t always true but my relationship experience proves that this is true most of the time.

If I am not getting what I want in my relationships, then I can ask for what I want. If my partner is not validating me or providing enough physical touch, then I can ask for it. I no longer have to wait for her to figure out what I need and in the meantime, I can become bitter and resentful that I’m not getting what I want.

Relationships are fruitful and vital in our happiness and relationships…suck. It’s hard to coexist and learn how to evolve with other people. The risk is worth the reward!

Here are some things you can do to improve the quality of your relationships:

Ask for what you want
Listen (this is hard because we want to console and give advice. Sometimes people just need us to listen)
Validate what you are listening to (it’s not agreeing or consigning but it’s attempting to be compassionate by trying to understand where the person is at)
Develop trust through being consistent and reliable (do what you say you’re going to do)
Ask what the other person wants or needs
Be vulnerable (this is hard for men but is so rewarding when we can authentically communicate our feelings)

I hope that you can enrich your life by enriching your relationships. Mike Patterson, a friend of mine, gave me this valuable piece of information. He said when someone says “I love you”, we are quick to respond with “I love you too”. It’s like we are conditioned to respond immediately. Instead of saying “I love you too”, try saying “thank you for loving me”. It can be more meaningful and have a positive impact on the relationship dynamic. So, thank you for loving me!