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Recovering from Perfectionism

September 2, 2022/0 Comments/in Anxiety, Mental Health/by Louisville Health & Healing

Let’s talk about perfectionism. Perfectionism is the refusal to accept any standard short of perfection. It’s a term many of us are familiar with – I know I am. To some of us, perfectionism might feel like a positive thing. We often associate it with traits such as being high-achieving, hard-working, detail-oriented, and having high goals or expectations.

That might all seem very positive and desirable, but this understanding of perfectionism does not recognize the lack of flexibility that comes with being perfectionistic. Rigidity is notoriously related to unhealthy and/or maladaptive feelings, thoughts, and behaviors, because being rigid makes it hard to adapt and react in healthy ways.

It’s important to acknowledge that the true core of perfectionism is not positive, it is full of fear, shame, and insecurity.

There is an important difference between feeling like you have to “be the best” and wanting to “try your best”. When we hold ourselves to the rigid, unrealistic, and frankly unkind belief that we must be the best, we don’t make space for our own vulnerability – we reject the rather human, imperfect parts of ourselves.

Having imperfections – spaces for growth, aspects of uniqueness, sources of wisdom – is a universal part of being a person.

We tolerate and often love these parts of many of the people in our lives. So, why is that understanding and acceptance not shared inwardly, with ourselves? This lack of acceptance of ourselves can result in anxiety, depression, burn-out, and fatigue. As we grow accustomed to only accepting the “perfect” parts of ourselves, we throw away the crucial, vulnerable parts of the self.

Perfectionism redefines how we interact with ourselves and how we expect others to value us – “I am only worthy of love if I am perfect”.

Many people with unprocessed trauma struggle with perfectionism. You might have learned that any “imperfection” was unsafe in your home or relationship. You might have only been given attention or love when you “succeeded”. You might have learned to be “emotionally perfect” – to exhibit only “perfect” okay-ness, because caregivers could not handle your genuine emotions.

There can be a variety of reasons we develop perfectionistic thoughts and behaviors, many of which are complicated and tied to core beliefs about ourselves and our value. As you begin to challenge and change your perfectionism, remember to be patient and gently loving with yourself. Healing takes time, but you can do it. And we are here to support you. Never hesitate to reach out and talk to your therapist about this – they will help you make a plan!

The BIG tasks in healing your perfectionism:
● Accepting your vulnerable parts.
● Accepting that you ARE good enough, as is.
● Understanding that a perfection expectation is based in shaming and is a rejection of the self – this is the opposite of love and healing.

What small steps could you take to start this process of self-acceptance and growth?

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Is Conflict Always Bad?

August 22, 2022/0 Comments/in Mental Health, Relationship Advice/by Louisville Health & Healing

Conflict is often something that we seek to avoid or that we experience as negative in our life.
Some of us develop different styles of managing conflict – not all of which are healthy for us or
the people around us. These styles can develop for many different reasons, often as a way to
protect ourselves – whether that’s by being aggressive and “on the offense”, being defensive or
indirect, or by suppressing our own needs almost entirely.

Ultimately, though, we want the conflict to accomplish something, usually. You might want to feel
heard. You might want to feel a sense of control. You might want help with something. What’s
important to remember is that depending on the way each of us acts during conflict, we change
the outcome for everyone involved.

In other words – the way we show up in times of conflict can either be healing for ourselves and
others or re-traumatizing for both parties. Regardless of momentary frustrations or hurt, in the
big picture of our life, we don’t want to re-traumatize ourselves or those we have relationships
with. It’s not helpful or beneficial to anyone really – nor does it feel good.

So what does that mean? That means, we have to do what we each can do to contribute to
healthier conflict in our lives, even if the other person is not yet doing that also. By controlling
what we can (our own actions), we set a good example, we build our own skills in
communication and awareness, and we respect our own relational values and goals.
Conflict doesn’t always have to be bad!

We can choose to show up with love, with compassion, and with respect. We can establish our
boundaries firmly and clearly, but also approach conflict with the goal of trying to heal together,
as part of a relationship with another person. Whether that relationship is romantic, familial, is
with a coworker, or a friend, when we show up in a thoughtful and healthy way, we can be a
source of healing for one another! And that’s amazing.

Take some time today to think about your needs, your triggers, your boundaries, and where you
struggle in moments of conflict.

What can you do to create a healthier “conflict zone” in your relationships? How can you better
respect your boundaries while respecting the importance of healthy communication?

If you need help or support with this, we are here for you. Your therapist is a great resource –
never hesitate to let them know what your goals are.

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Traveling Life’s Journey

August 2, 2022/0 Comments/in Addiction Treatment, Anxiety, Depression, Louisville Health and Healing News, Mental Health, Relationship Advice, Spirituality/by Louisville Health & Healing

We are excited to host a weekend long retreat that targets trauma. Our retreat, Traveling Life’s Journey – Overcoming Traumatic Experiences – From Surviving to Thriving, is a 48 hour educational and experiential retreat led by licensed and certified clinicians and healers. Many of us have experienced traumatic events to varying degrees and traditional approaches can hinder progress. We have curated a culmination of rapid and effective processes to target trauma to get relief.

After experiencing one or more traumatic events, it is normal to feel a wide range of emotions and have trouble processing those feelings. Traumatized individuals can isolate and withdraw, experience emotional outbursts disproportionate to the situation, and have flashbacks of their traumatic experience(s). In addition to the psychological impact, physical symptoms are also common. These include sleep problems like insomnia and nightmares, digestive issues, chronic headaches, and a state of hyperarousal, or being unable to relax, as well as many others. Regardless of the cause, trauma can be treated most effectively through a holistic approach to recovery.

The retreat will consist of two overnight stays at Valaterra Retreat Center in Prospect, Kentucky. All food and lodging are covered through payment for retreat. Participants will experience education about trauma and learn skills to regulate emotions and promote internal safety while creating a Target Sequence Plan. Each participant will can experience 3-5 hours of Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) with a trained clinician. Art Therapy, Meditation, breathwork, trauma-informed yoga, and nature walks will also be incorporated throughout the retreat. Participants will have time to socialize with others and time to reflect and journal about their experience.

Before the retreat, participants will have a 45-minute phone call or in-person consultation with a licensed clinician. During this call, we will discuss limitations, risk factors and potential goals to be achieved. Additionally, after the retreat, participants will have a 1-hour group follow up to discuss life after the retreat. If participants are in therapy, have concerned family members, or have supportive employers, then those people can be notified as support with appropriate consents.
We are excited to host this retreat to the greater community. If you are interested please reach out to Jenifer Jimison, [email protected].

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Being Consciously Grateful

May 10, 2022/0 Comments/in Anxiety, Creativity, Louisville Health and Healing News, Mental Health, Recovery, Spirituality/by Louisville Health & Healing

None of us like to think of ourselves as an ungrateful person. You probably often feel
thankfulness and appreciation for rain after many hot summer days, for help from your
friend when you needed a ride, or even towards yourself and the skills or insight you
used in a specific situation. Feeling thankfulness or gratitude indicates that we
acknowledge the positive impact of something or someone – but the important step we
often forget is actually taking a conscious moment to acknowledge and express that
gratitude.

Many of us feel thankfulness, but let that feeling pass quickly without doing much of
anything with it. To those in our life, and even to our own subconscious self, this can
begin to convey that we do not acknowledge or appreciate the things that have been
done to help us. The good news is it’s an easy fix! This easy fix has two parts:

1. Take an internal moment to pause and truly recognize the appreciation or
thankfulness you are feeling.
2. Take a moment to actively express that thankfulness.

Taking an internal moment to recognize your feelings of gratitude is an exercise in
mindfulness. You may have worked previously on increasing your awareness of internal
negative thoughts or feelings you have, to help change your behaviors or challenge
your negative self-talk – but the awareness can’t stop there. It’s just as important to
acknowledge the positive thoughts and feelings we have too!

Taking a moment to actively express your thankfulness may look different depending on
who you feel grateful towards or what you are grateful for – but that’s a beautiful space
to flex your creativity and love!

Maybe you feel grateful towards yourself for staying patient and calm in a situation you
would have previously blown-up during. You could say to yourself, “I’m really proud of
myself for acting this way and grateful that I chose to be patient in this situation”. Taking
a moment to note our self-gratitude is easy to forget, but also easy to start doing. Doing
so can help build positive self-talk and encourage our own strengths. Doing something
similar out loud for those in your life that you feel grateful towards can similarly build
them up. Our loved ones need to hear we are thankful for their specific strengths,
actions, and ideas, too!

Some people find it uncomfortable to express their feelings out loud to others, especially
gracious and loving feelings. But remember – it’s not uncommon that the things that are
hardest for us to do, show us the spaces we have for growth in our life. It’s also
important to remind yourself that something uncomfortable may only be uncomfortable
because it is unfamiliar – practice makes us comfortable!

Try making a goal for yourself this week to actively and specifically express your
gratitude at least one time a day! Even if it’s about something small. You may find that it
not only makes those in your life feel more valued and genuinely seen, but that you may
also start to see the love and growth in your life more clearly – and who wouldn’t want
that.

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What is EMDR Therapy?

May 3, 2022/0 Comments/in Anxiety, Depression, Mental Health, Recovery/by Louisville Health & Healing

You may have heard of the term ‘EMDR’, but may not really know what it is or even if
you have the letters in the correct order. That’s okay! It’s a rather new but remarkably
helpful therapeutic tool.

EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing therapy. It is a
rather new, innovative approach that therapists can use to help clients process trauma
or distressing experiences, especially distressing beliefs or memories that are buried
deep but that continue to impact the client’s mental health. Even though it is a newer
approach, EMDR is extensively researched, and is shown to be effective in
reprocessing trauma and distressing experiences. This makes it a powerful tool in a
therapist’s toolbelt!

Therapists that are trained and certified in EMDR can use it with children and adults of
all ages. EMDR can be helpful to address a variety of concerns that individuals may be
experiencing, such as: depression, anxiety disorders, chronic illnesses or conditions,
eating disorders, grief, personality disorders, PTSD or other trauma or stress disorders,
sexual assault, substance abuse or addiction, and violence and abuse. And more!
Maybe you have experienced traditional talk therapy before and find yourself
wondering, “Well, how is this different from traditional therapy and what does it even
do?”.

As an approach in therapy, EMDR does not seek to change the negative thoughts or
feelings that result from a trauma or distressing life event, but works to allow the brain to
reprocess the traumatic event itself. This allows the brain’s natural healing process to
resume again.

Our brain naturally will manage and respond to a traumatic event – the ways we adapt
and continue to ‘manage’ that distress/trauma may look different for every person, but
often it can play a role in the development of negative thoughts, feelings, and/or
behaviors in our life. Though our brain and body will naturally respond to trauma, our
brain does not always get an opportunity to truly process the trauma. EMDR helps our
brain reprocess these traumatic or distressing events, to allow for healing to take place
where it may not have been able to happen previously.

If you are interested in EMDR, make sure to seek out a therapist that is trained and
certified in EMDR. You should not go to a clinician that has not received proper training
– it could end up being more harmful than helpful to you. The good news is that here, at
Louisville Health & Healing, we have multiple therapists that are trained and certified to practice
EMDR with you! Give us a call or ask your therapist to learn more!

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What is art therapy?

April 19, 2022/0 Comments/in Addiction Treatment, Adolescence, Anxiety, Art Therapy, Depression, Louisville Health and Healing News, Mental Health, Recovery, Spirituality/by Louisville Health & Healing

Art therapy is a true gift to the service of healing and does not require any artistic skill whatsoever; art therapy focuses on the process, not the product. The quality of a client’s art is not the focus, as the experiences and insight gained through the exercise is what informs progress.

 

Art therapy has been proven to be an extremely effective modality for individuals of all ages, with varying presenting issues. Some issues that art therapy works to treat include, but are not limited to, those actively processing trauma, behavioral/emotional issues, anger/aggression, addiction, grief/loss, depression, anxiety, and ADHD. A major benefit to this expressive modality is that it will often elicit responses that have been challenging to obtain independently or through other therapeutic techniques. An art therapy session can look many different ways. Whether it be painting, wood-working, drawing, sculpting, or any other media used, the creative process offers new perspectives and catharsis that can be paramount to an individual’s treatment.

We have a licensed art therapist that works with children, teens and adults. If your tired of traditional talk therapy, then give art therapy a try! Reach out today. 502.208.9927; [email protected] .

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The Very Big Question of “Who am I and who do I want to be?”

April 3, 2022/0 Comments/in Anxiety, Creativity, Depression, Louisville Health and Healing News, Mental Health, Spirituality/by Louisville Health & Healing

By calling attention to this question, by no means do I want to encourage any feelings of “I’m not
good enough”. The fact that any of us has space to grow is not a bad thing in and of itself. If
anything, identifying space for change can be a great thing. Being aware of who you are, how
you act, and how you want to change can be helpful in giving new thoughtfulness and purpose
to your days. Awareness is key to change and change can be good, but change can also be
slow and tiring at times – and that’s okay.

I have been thinking a lot about this idea of how my self, my self perception, and who I want
to be align or maybe don’t align – trying to find room for growth and space to understand myself
better. I recently saw a post on social media where someone said “Be the person you needed
when you were younger”. Wow – what an interesting thing to consider.

Thinking about what our child self or younger self needed from others but didn’t receive, can be
a difficult or even painful thing to recall and think about. But maybe it’s something you’ve never
really thought about in a concrete way before or allowed yourself to consider. I know I hadn’t.
Thinking about this, I have found that the answer has not come to me easily and may take time
for me to truly understand – but I feel like it’s worth it. My child self / younger self deserves that
consideration. And yours does too!

So what about you? What did younger you need? What kind of person would have made a
difference for them? Maybe start by listing words, or thinking about feelings that come up for
you. Once you start to have an image of this “person”, start to consider what needs to change
for you to reflect that “person” better in your life. Maybe the change necessary requires some
healing on your part, first. Maybe it requires some playfulness that you feel out of touch with.
Maybe it requires a community or some structure. Whatever space for change and growth you
see, know that making that change happen is a process and give yourself compassion. Being
patient and encouraging with ourselves can be hard. But we have the ability to grow within us!
All of these things may be easier to consider and work on with some extra support.

Whether that’s from family, friends, a bigger community – or your therapist! Make sure to let your therapist know what your goals are – we are here to support you through your healing and growth!

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“I Want To Be More Creative, But I’m Just Not…”

February 26, 2022/0 Comments/in Anxiety, Art Therapy, Creativity, Louisville Health and Healing News, Mental Health, Spirituality, Uncategorized/by Louisville Health & Healing

Feeling intimidated by the idea of trying to be “creative” can be hard for many people, especially adults.  As we get older, it can become harder for some of us to get in touch with that joyful, curious, less judgemental part of ourselves – our inner, free child.  To some, this inner child may be seen as ‘not appropriate’, or for others it may be perceived as a long-gone fond memory that “I’ll just never be able to go back to”.  This inner child is our first source of creativity.

 

Culturally, we value efficiency, production, and profit, which shapes the way we engage with self-care, fun, and with this idea of creativity or art. It can be hard to take the time to do these things or value them without some ‘perfect’ and concrete ‘end-product’. We deny ourselves the opportunity for fun or growth, when we avoid doing something purely on the grounds of thinking that it’s only worth doing if it ends up being ‘perfect’ or ‘good enough’.

 

How many times have you said or heard someone say, “Oh, I can’t make art, I’m just not good at it”. But, I ask, good at what exactly? Creativity can be so many things – kids know that so well! Our child self was so good at just scribbling lines for the joy of the movement.  We once loved the feeling of squeezing playdough and making strange blob-forms out of the colors, with no expectations or worries about the end result. Viewing art-making as having to look a certain way creates a divide between us and the very natural part of our human self that wants to make, be curious, and explore!  The making-of-things, or art-making, is one of the oldest human activities and defining human traits that we all share.  We are separated from many other animals for our ability to make tools – to create and be creative!

 

You do not need to make things for others, you can make things for yourself, just because it feels good to do so.  So, let yourself make strange things! Or ugly things! Or boring things! Or beautiful, lovely things! I find it helpful to focus on the joy of the process, and then when you are eventually faced with your product, try to look at it with curiosity instead of judgment.  Be curious about yourself and be patient with yourself.  Getting comfortable with making things can be a process, but you can do it!

 

Here’s an art directive that may be helpful to start with:

 

  • Go to the store and buy a notebook (or make one), ideally one that you like to look at. Cheap ones are okay, but finding one that you really like helps instill worth and sincerity in what you put into it.
  • Warm-up to your relationship with your notebook by collecting things you like to look at. Experiment! Tape in fabric scraps, leaves, cut outs from the newspaper or magazines. Maybe step on a page and leave a boot print. Dribble some coffee on a page and see what shapes it makes.
  • Find what you enjoy and play! After this experimentation, you may have found something you liked doing or seeing. Make more of it! Maybe you liked the shapes you saw in your coffee dribbles and want to make more – drawing faces and places into them, like staring up at clouds. Perhaps you liked the repetitiveness of cutting out images from magazines and finding interesting ways to tape them onto a page together – making collages!
  • You can always take this a step farther and start to fill the pages of your sketchbook day by day – almost like a journal to reflect on what’s happened or what’s been felt that day. I find this to be calming and grounding.  Your visual journal can even be a tool to help notice things about yourself over time.  Following up with your therapist can be helpful!

 

I hope you’re able to find some courage and start experimenting with your art-making!  If you find art-making and creating to be interesting or fun you may even want to look into expressive therapies in the future – specifically Art Therapy!

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Transforming Your Negative Thoughts

February 19, 2022/0 Comments/in Addiction Treatment, Anxiety, Depression, Mental Health, Recovery/by Louisville Health & Healing

Having insecurities, worries, or self-doubt is a rather universal experience.  Those negative thoughts may look different for each person, but we are not alone in facing them.  Whether we find ourselves thinking negatively often or rarely, it can take a toll on our self-image and motivation – and our overall mental health.  Learning to consciously engage with these thoughts can transform them into a powerful tool for self-growth and accomplishing our goals – big or small!

 

Many of our negative thoughts and insecurities are tied to something that we would like to achieve or something we value.  For example, feeling nervous and insufficient at a new job might reflect the goal or desire to be successful at your job, to be capable, or to have the respect of those around you.  Thinking about problems in our lives or negative self-feelings, especially if there are patterns in them, can help us realize our personal goals and values.

 

Once you identify the root value or goal at the core of a negative feeling, take a moment to visualize that goal.  What might that really look like for you to achieve? Let yourself live in that moment of positivity.

 

Then, ask yourself, “what might come in the way of me achieving this?” – is it self-doubt? Lack of focus or procrastination? Someone in your life? Something someone told you in the past that you just can’t stop repeating to yourself? Take a moment to sit with this and work through the possible obstacles to your goal.  And afterward, consider ways you could overcome each obstacle.  Think specifically about when and where you might encounter or experience these obstacles.  Create a plan for each possible “what if” – “If ___ happens, then I could ____ to help myself overcome it / refocus on my goal / feel worthy in the face of it”.

 

By giving our negative thoughts sincere attention, we can learn a lot about our values and goals – and develop more helpful and concrete plans to achieve them!  Especially if you are a person who experiences many negative “what if” thoughts, this can be a truly transformative way of engaging with those thoughts and using them to your benefit.

 

If you have questions about this or find this overwhelming, reach out to your therapist for guidance! We are here to support you!

 

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Winter Is Coming….

September 5, 2021/0 Comments/in Depression, Louisville Health and Healing News, Mental Health/by Louisville Health & Healing

Do you ever feel sad when winter is coming? Well so did John Snow, but he probably had different reasons than we do, like evil witches, looney girlfriends, and battle fatigue. For us, it’s often the holidays that bring about the blues; but there is another phenomenon that occurs frequently. Being sad during the winter months can also be part of an actual depressive disorder known as Seasonal Affective Disorder–or, you guessed it–SAD. A closer look at this disorder can give some insight about how to navigate the symptoms.

SAD is a condition that occurs each year around the time the seasons change in preparation for the long, cold, dark winter months. People who have this condition may notice changes in their mood, sleep patterns, energy levels, appetite changes and weight fluctuation. These changes are a result of a specific type of depression that sets in during the winter. Some people may have this condition during the summer months, but this is less common. According to the American Psychiatric Association (APA), about 5 percent of adults in the U.S. experience SAD and it lasts about 40 percent of the year. The APA explains that SAD is a result of a “biochemical imbalance in the brain prompted by shorter daylight hours and less sunlight in the winter. As seasons change, people experience a shift in their biological internal clock or circadian rhythm that can cause them to be out of step with their daily schedule. SAD is more common in people living far from the equator where there are few daylight hours in the winter,” (Seasonal Affective Disorder: SAD, 2021).

SAD is more than just feeling down or having the Winter Blues. People who actually have this disorder can feel depressed, lose interest in social events or even their family and friends. They may struggle with fatigue or feeling restless with no purpose, and a lack of concentration. This can make them feel guilty or worthless. Severe cases of this disorder can result in suicidal thinking.

Ways to treat this disorder are similar to how Major Depressive Disorder is treated. Using psychotherapy, or combination of medication and therapy are common. Some therapists may use light therapy to improve symptoms. Light therapy involves using a specific type of light for a set period of time each day. This can affect sleep patterns, however, so it is a good idea to do this under the guidance of a behavioral health professional. Other treatment includes behavior approaches such as increasing physical activity, improving nutrition, and socializing. These activities are simple, but hard to do when you have SAD. A therapist can help you overcome barriers to make these tasks more doable.

So if you begin to feel a drop in your mood and energy around the fall and winter, start with your doctor as there are medical conditions that can mirror the symptoms of SAD. If there are no medical explanations, then it is a good time to consult a mental health therapist to see what treatment options would work best for you. You can also do simple things such as taking a walk when the sun is out, reaching out to friends even when you don’t want to, picking up a new hobby, or creating new routines that you enjoy. Getting ahead of the problem before it gets too big is the key.

Reference:

Seasonal Affective Disorder: SAD.  (2021). American Psychiatric Association. https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/depression/seasonal-affective-disorder

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Louisville Health & Healing
We are a private outpatient practice serving individuals, couples, and families. Our approach is compassionate, non-judgmental, and rooted in proven methods that deliver results. Clients choose us because our therapy is both effective and efficient — many notice progress in fewer sessions compared to traditional models.

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