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Struggling in Recovery, Therapist for Recovery

Struggling In Recovery

August 30, 2018/0 Comments/in Addiction Treatment, Recovery/by Louisville Health and Healing

I have been noticing quite a few people in long-term recovery relapsing lately and it has me concerned. People relapse on substances in early recovery, within the first year, due to the fact that overwhelming stress leads to uncontrollable urges. These urges lead to irrational thoughts about the ‘relief’ substances give.

But why do people relapse after the year mark? There are and will be a lot of opinions on this blog. Some people will say, “I stopped working on a program.”, “I quit going to meetings”, “I failed to maintain my spiritual condition”. These might have some validity. I’m going to challenge those of us in recovery.

I have been sober and abstinent from illicit drugs and alcohol for nearly 10 years. I have continued to struggle with other obsessive and compulsive behaviors that have caused problems in my life. About 4 years ago I was diagnosed with ADHD and the doctors said I probably have had it my whole life. I have struggled with anxiety and depression throughout the last 10 years too (probably had anxiety and depression my whole life). Within the last 2 years, I have struggled with suicidality (mostly as a coping skill I developed to allow myself the opportunity to ‘run’ or ‘leave’ stressful situations). Growing up I experienced a lot of emotional abuse and I was sexually abused when I was 6.

All of these things together ultimately led to my maladaptive coping skills which consisted of using drugs and alcohol. I am still obsessive and have compulsive behaviors beyond substance use. The fellowship of 12-step recovery and the 12-steps were a good beginning for me. It showed me how connectivity and accountability lead to long term recovery (I stole that line from friend and interventionist, Matt Noel). I got some relief that allowed me to stay sober for a couple of years.

For me, deeper work had to be done. I had to address the trauma, grief, and mental illness that had led to substance use. I’ve tried medications, therapy, involvement with the Mankind Project, meditation, helping others, and a whole slew of things.

I am beginning to touch the wounds that gave me the gift of addiction and recovery. I am healing and it has taken me 10 years to get here and will probably continue this soul work for the rest of my life. Here is my point, if you’re in recovery you have what I have. The majority of us have experienced traumatic events and situations (i.e. growing up in an alcoholic home, experiencing a divorce any kind of emotional, physical, or sexual abuse—to name a few types of trauma). Sometimes we need “outside help” that the program can not give us. Hell, Bill Wilson, founder of AA, had debilitating depression that required treatments and medication (Bill also compulsively smoked cigarettes that ultimately killed him).

Please get help and support beyond your recovery circles. It’s not a sign of weakness or that the program isn’t working. I am open to a free consultation with you if you are in recovery. I want to see you happy and to live a life with meaning and purpose. I hope this helps.

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Alternative to 12 step programs, SMART Recovery

SMART Recovery

August 24, 2018/0 Comments/in Addiction Treatment, Recovery/by Louisville Health and Healing

People that struggle with obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviors can agree that it is important to have people to talk to. For the last 80+ years, Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) was seen as the only option for a mutual self-help group for someone that has struggled with addiction. There were other options but many did not have the popularity and accessibility that the anonymous movement had.

Personally, AA saved my life when I was 24 years old. It was the only game in town. There are many aspects of AA that I don’t personally agree with and that’s okay. I am grateful it was there for me and that the 12-step process allowed me to change.

There are other options though! One option is SMART Recovery. SMART uses a 4 point system:

Point 1: Building and Maintaining Motivation
Point 2: Coping with Urges
Point 3: Managing Thoughts, Feelings, and Behaviors
Point 4: Living a Balanced Life

SMART is an acronym for Self Management and Recovery Training. All topics and issues go back to these major points. SMART is rooted in evidence and draws heavily on scientific principles from Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT), Motivational Interviewing (MI), and Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT). These practical techniques help move the person addicted to change.

Unlike AA, SMART is science-based (not spiritual), doesn’t use labels (in AA, we say “My name is…I’m an alcoholic), the meeting format is more active engagement and problem-solving, there are no such things as sponsors. I look at SMART as being similar to a 12-step program but with a progressive, refreshing and modern twist on the delivery of the program. Young people hate the religiosity of the 12-step program but can relate to the language of SMART.

If you’re like me, then you probably judge things you aren’t familiar with. The first time I heard about SMART Recovery I immediately began bashing it because it wasn’t what I was used to. I had to change my perspective and look at SMART through a non-judgmental lens and I had to look at the similarities. In fact, a lot of people blend AA and SMART Recovery for their personal recovery program.

Like AA, SMART Recovery is abstinence-based, believes in the power of choice for the individual, and has no personal advice or stance on medication. The 12-steps are very CBT, MI, and REBT by nature but in 1935, when the 12-steps were written, they didn’t have such science-based interventions. They were still conducting a random frontal lobotomy for the addicted person. (That was only 90 years ago)

SMART may not be for everyone. AA may not be for everyone. Recovery is for everyone and it is important to have options. Check out smartrecovery.org.

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Relationships

August 17, 2018/0 Comments/in Relationship Advice/by Louisville Health and Healing

Think of all the relationships you have. Envision yourself interacting with everyone you come in contact with on a daily basis–your partner, your children, the mailman/mailwoman, the barista at Starbucks, your coworkers, and colleagues. More than likely, you are in contact with a lot of relationships every day. We are social animals and need relationships.

Imagine waking up tomorrow and all these relationships aren’t there. Imagine how lonely that will be. You can see that relationships are critical at preventing us from being lonely and isolative. The Harvard Study, a qualitative study conducted with over 80 years of data concluded that our ultimate happiness is related to the quality of our relationships.

What is the quality of your relationships? Are you satisfied? What are you doing to deepen those relationships? If I want to receive love, then I have to give love. Relationships are reciprocal. If I want something, I have to give it. This isn’t always true but my relationship experience proves that this is true most of the time.

If I am not getting what I want in my relationships, then I can ask for what I want. If my partner is not validating me or providing enough physical touch, then I can ask for it. I no longer have to wait for her to figure out what I need and in the meantime, I can become bitter and resentful that I’m not getting what I want.

Relationships are fruitful and vital in our happiness and relationships…suck. It’s hard to coexist and learn how to evolve with other people. The risk is worth the reward!

Here are some things you can do to improve the quality of your relationships:

  • Ask for what you want
  • Listen (this is hard because we want to console and give advice. Sometimes people just need us to listen)
  • Validate what you are listening to (it’s not agreeing or consigning but it’s attempting to be compassionate by trying to understand where the person is at)
  • Develop trust through being consistent and reliable (do what you say you’re going to do)
  • Ask what the other person wants or needs
  • Be vulnerable (this is hard for men but is so rewarding when we can authentically communicate our feelings)

I hope that you can enrich your life by enriching your relationships. Mike Patterson, a friend of mine, gave me this valuable piece of information. He said when someone says “I love you”, we are quick to respond with “I love you too”. It’s like we are conditioned to respond immediately. Instead of saying “I love you too”, try saying “thank you for loving me”. It can be more meaningful and have a positive impact on the relationship dynamic. So, thank you for loving me!

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Back to School (Part 2) College Edition

August 7, 2018/0 Comments/in Adolescence, Mental Health/by Louisville Health and Healing

Okay. This blog is dedicated to college kids (or anyone interested in reading it). College can be a very fun and exciting endeavor. For some young adults, this may be the first time they are out of their parent’s house. For others, this could seem like the first true adult experience. However, sometimes college is not always what it’s cracked up to be. College requires responsibility, accountability, time management, and some basic social skills. Achieving these standards can be challenging for a young adult for many reasons.

When I think of college I immediately associate partying (could be my past). A lot of college students experience parties for the first time in college. Keep in mind, I want you to have fun! Here are some things to be mindful of when you party in college (or anywhere really):

  • Never drink and drive or use any substance and drive even marijuana (our body metabolizes 1 oz. of alcohol per hour and any more than that is usually over the limit and can lead to intoxication. Marijuana does impair judgment)
  • Call a cab, Uber or Lyft (if you have a designated driver, please make sure you’re not getting in the car with them if they drink)
  • Don’t leave your drink unattended at a party/bar/pub (if you sit it down, then consider it a ‘dead’ drink and don’t drink it. Someone could put drugs in your drink)
  • For Women, don’t walk or travel home alone intoxicated or not
  • Binge drinking has led to death (Binge drinking is drinking 5-6 drinks in a 3-hour period. This kind of drinking surprises the body and can lead to some health risks)
  • If you are using ‘party drugs’ make sure you know what you’re taking (I’m not stupid to think that college kids don’t use or abuse drugs other than alcohol)
  • Be careful mixing alcohol with energy drinks and other substances (alcohol is a depressant and energy drinks are considered a stimulant. These combinations have led to death).
  • Have access to emergency responders if needed

College students can also suffer from a wide array of issues:

  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • Alcohol and substance use/abuse
  • Overwhelming stress as a result of expectations
  • Eating disorders (i.e. Anorexia and bulimia)
  • Feeling ashamed, lost, and scared of being away from family and support
  • Sexual Transmitted Illness as a result of high-risk sexual behaviors with multiple partners
  • Poor self-confidence and low self-esteem

If you experience any of these issues please reach out to family and other support. Sometimes meeting with a therapist can be helpful in processing life events!

CHEERS!! And good luck with your academic success…

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